Sunday, February 6, 2011

Fasting......The right way

This morning when I awoke I Knew that this was the first Sunday of the month, for us LDS members that means that we fast for 2 meals, and start and end with a prayer of gratitude for what we are fast for or about!
Today as I knelt to open my fast my body was heavy with and overwhelming sense of Motherhood stresses! Why does this happen when you are trying to feel the spirit and keep it with you on the Sabbath Day, I try every day but mostly on Sundays! I had the kids fighting this morning about who got to be on the laptop the longest or who ate what cereal first and used it all, or the fact that the skirt they picked out (not me) was too itchy and they didn't want to wear it, when it wasn't even my idea in the first place but I'm the one getting yelled at for it! Really!! Then you get to church with a smile on your face and thinking the whole time, if these people really knew that I just threatened my children with a huge time out and early bed time if they misbehaved in church they'd be appalled but I think we are fooling everyone with our (my) happy smiling face as we walk into sacrament!!!
I can't tell you the flow of emotions that came pouring over me as I opened my fast today and just sat there for the longest time in silence, wondering how to fast for what I wanted so badly in my life at this time, Peace, calmness, happiness, endurance, calmness, to be more understanding as a mother and wife, calmness, the cloudiness to leave my head, the overwhelming feeling of defeat to disappear, calmness calmness calmness!!! As I asked for each of these I felt a rush of warmth come over me and the word calmness stayed with me, literally, I think I could have fallen asleep, I was so calm! Even though I could still hear the "murmuring" going on between "Lamen, Lemual " It didn't seem so big and defeating at that time, so it accrued to me that what I am going to have to do on a daily basis is go in my room, kneel on my knees and ask for that feeling of calmness to be with me, then sit there and just listen! It's the listening that makes all the difference in the world! It was amazing to me! I tell my kids everyday "your not listening to me" I think Heavenly Father is tapping at my soul and saying "Tifani, you are not listening to me" He's right! Turn off the T.V. and the music that is helping you clean the house to a steady beat and turn on a talk from a General authority or Sheri Dew or just inspirational music!!! or just sit in silence as you fold the clothes if the kids are asleep! Life is so fast paced and we need to have more "listening moments" Its amazing how I look at what I say to my kids and turn it around at myself, as if Heavenly Father were saying it to me!!!! Try it, sometimes it makes me laugh and other I cry and that feels good sometimes too!


Mimi Sue said...

Thanks for coming by and saying hi! Your blog is adorable. I remember having those same feelings when I had small children at home. Just know that this stage of your life doesn't last very long at all. (Although when you're going through it it seems to last forever!!) Before you know it they'll be grown with babies of their own. Enjoy every single minute with them. Your mom and I must be about the same age. There were lots of Sues born when I was! Mimi

Allred's said...

such a beautiful post....I am so in your same shoes at times when it comes to mothering, however you have 4 and I have 3, but I wanted to share something with you that has helped me this week (ps...I am not sharing this with you because I THINK YOU NEED it or anything, just because it helped me..that's all.So first there is this amazing talk... you will have to copy and paste it into your address bar...but the other thing that helps me is to think that our precious children are actually our Heavenly Father's babies and we are their care takers. (I know you know that) but I just keep reminding myself of that fact, and it has been helping me hold it together............anyways I love you....